TTC #2 – Cycle #1 TWW

I'm dropping in for a quick update now that I THINK we are in the two week wait. The reason I say I think is because this is usually around the time when I ovulate, I had a temp spike today and although it’s not as high as it normally goes it is more than .2 degrees Celsius than where I’ve been hovering for the last week or so, CM turned thick, white and sticky today and CP is a bit higher and definitely more firm compared to quite soft and swollen feeling the last couple of days. FF hasn't confirmed it but if I'm correct, I obviously O’d a day later than I anticipated based on the prior month when it happened on day 13. Perhaps this is due to the thyroid meds? I’m not sure. I guess I’ll have a better idea tomorrow based on what my temp is in the morning. I’m not holding my breath on a BFP this month because I realize the odds of conceiving decrease the further away from ovulation that you BD. We BD’d on Saturday night and I O’d on Monday so it is possible albeit less likely. As far as odds of conceiving a girl I’m sure they are even better given the lag between BD and O. Now we’re into the waiting game but I’m already thinking about what I’ll do next month. Mainly continue temping, lots of greens and dairy and am also considering taking magnesium and calcium supplements. I’ve read a few places now that those can help to decrease pH and therefore increase the odds of a girl.

The more I think about having a girl, the more I’m feeling anxious about it. It would just take the pressure off to have a girl this time around. Then we’d have a boy and a girl and going for a third could be based on more logical criteria vs. it being an emotional decision because I want my girl.

Unlike in the past when I planned to wait to test until after my expected period or before that only if I had some very obvious signs that I could possibly be pregnant, I’m likely going to test next Friday May 30. We have a family reunion on the weekend and if I get a BFN then I won’t feel guilty enjoying a glass of wine and conversely if I am, I will steer clear from it entirely, obviously!!

As a side note. We were recently in the US for a quick shopping trip and HPTs are SO MUCH cheaper there. Like, whoa! I got 2 first response tests for less than $9. If memory serves me correctly, they’re more than double that in Canada. My girlfriend told me the dollar store sells HPTs but I’m not sure how accurate they would be 3 days before my expected period (for my last pregnancy, I tested at 11 DPO and it was positive so I’m hoping it would be able to detect it that early again) so I’m going to stick with the more expensive one that I know works for this round given the circumstances. In the meantime I’m going to try to relax for the next week or so and then I’m sure I’ll be on high alert for implantation spotting which I had last time at 10 DPO.

Fingers crossed!

The "Norgasm"

We've been busy doing the BD this week. I expect to ovulate on cycle day 13  which is Sunday, so according to what I've read we should do the dance 1-3 days before my ovulation date to conceive a girl so Saturday was the last day we were going to try. Originally I planned for Friday to be the last day because I thought earlier would be better but neither of us was feeling all that great on Friday so it just didn't happen. The more I've read about TTC a girl, the more I'm realizing I could have done more if I had considered it earlier but too little too late. If we don't get a BFP this month then maybe I'll do more next cycle but that's a post for another day. What I really wanted to write about was this concept of the "Norgasm" that I read about as one thing to do for conceiving a girl. Basically it means for the woman to NOT orgasm during sex to try to conceive. Evidently, orgasm causes a release of basic (ie. not acidic) fluid to be released in the vagina which is more conducive for the survival of male sperm than for female sperm.  Sounds reasonable. But then again not at all. I mean, that's HARD to achieve, or erm, not achieve. 

I guess I'm a pretty lucky girl in that my husband knows exactly what will send me over the edge and he enjoys getting me there (and may explain why baby #1 is a boy?). I couldn't tell him that I wanted to norgasm because I feel like that takes a whole lot of the fun out of it. Wouldn't it be a little awkward? Anyway so try not to orgasm when your husband is doing everything he knows how to do to get you to orgasm. It is hard because clearly in the moment you want it too! 

All that to say that 2/3 times in my fertile window I was successful with norgasming but it was difficult and not so much fun. The last time, I actually faked one so my DH would give it up. Now I want to pounce him again to finish the job but I'm restraining myself. TMI? Sorry. 

Here's hoping that my cycle stays consistent this month so the planning and norgasming pays off and that we get our BFP. Even better would be a BFP with our little girl. I'm feeling hopeful. 

Thyroid troubles

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that since after my DS was born, my thyroid has been “off”. I can’t remember exactly, but maybe when he was around 8 months old I went for my regular physical and as part of the routine blood test we discovered that I had a mildy overactive thyroid – hyperthyroidism. It made complete sense, I was thinner than I ever remember being, my pants were all loose and I was eating like a horse. Thankfully I didn’t have any other really noticeable symptoms. I re-tested in 3 months from the first test and it was discovered that my thyroid was suddenly mildy underactive – hypothyroidism. Great. I had read that thyroid activity can be impacted by a pregnancy and that it can waver up and down but for the most part it would start out as hypo and then become hyper and then even out again and I was going in the opposite direction. So, because it was so mild (I think normal is .3-4 and I was rating at a 4.35), my doctor decided to wait and test again in another 3 months. That was last week and on day 1 of TTC#2 cycle #1, I found out that my thyroid had become even more underactive – now at a 5.22. This is apparently still considered to be mild and according to the nurse, some people don’t experience any symptoms until they hit 10 however, knowing my intentions to have another baby (like asap!), and considering that I was trending in the wrong direction, my Doctor decided that I should start taking drugs to treat it and re-test in 6 weeks to check whether the dosage is right – I guess with hormones it can be very tricky to get it right (great.. ugh).

I don’t completely understand it because I just haven’t had time to do any real research yet, but your thyroid controls certain hormones, most of which are responsible for metabolism (hello weight loss… and weight gain recently!). Somehow, an underactive thyroid can also impact fertility – again, I’m not clear on HOW but it can affect ovulation (cause anovulatory cycles) and shorten the luteal phase of your cycle so that implantation becomes impossible. I also think it can make staying pregnant more difficult. For these reasons, I’m really happy my doctor is being proactive about treating it. On the other hand, I’m not really thrilled to be taking a hormone pill daily starting in the month I want to start trying to conceive. I confirmed with my doctor that it’s safe to start trying regardless, and that since my cycle seems regular I can still get pregnant but that I’ll need to continue to monitor it regularly especially if I do become pregnant.

It’s no secret that I’m hoping for a girl this time. I’ve been charting my cycles to figure out when I’m ovulating so we can schedule the BD before I actually ovulate to improve our odds. Will a thyroid pill affect when I O? I’m starting to question whether I really really want a girl or whether I really really want to just get pregnant right this second. I know that by trying the Shettles method to try to conceive a girl, I reduce my odds of getting my BFP each month… and I worry that if I don’t get my BFP within the first couple of months that I will get too much in my own head and then get too stressed and further worsen the odds of pregnancy. The thyroid issue just exasperates everything. I was feeling good about starting, my cycle has been regular (albeit shorter than usual – 27 days) and now this. It’s a bit like déjà vu – the month before we TTC with #1, my cycle that had been a completely regular 29 days ended up being something like 37 days. Why oh why does this happen only when I’m ready and give the green light to TTC?? I guess if I’m trying to stay positive, we got lucky on your second try with my son so it’s possible we will get lucky again!

Now I am rambling. I still don’t know what I will decide to do. Maybe a month or two of shettles for a girl… and if we have no luck we just shoot to get pregnant and do it like bunnies. I think that’s what I’m settled on for now, but I reserve the right to change my mind. Please cross your fingers for me that my body cooperates and my thyroid settles down.

Choosing your baby's gender

The honest truth is that I always pictured us having two little girls. I think it's because I have a sister and I have such a wonderful relationship with my Mom that I hoped to have that with my kids too. Then I had a boy. A beautiful, healthy, hilarious, engaging, happy, loving, sweet, smart little man. Sometimes I'm still surprised that he's a he, but my goodness, I'm so in love he could have two heads and he'd be perfect to me... For me... For us. Having said that, in looking forward towards ttc#2, I'm infatuated with getting my girl. Now please don't get me wrong. I am not a stupid person, I have a biology background, I understand how these things work and that it's really out of my control. And further to that, if we get another male baby, I will love that boy with every inch of my being. But I can't help but think about it. So... I'm curious, if anyone happens upon this little journal of mine...

- would you ever consider trying to tip the odds in favor of conceiving one gender over another?

- do you have any suggestions for ttc a girl?

- is it selfish of me to even think about this? 

I feel guilty just considering it. Guilty because if I have a boy, I would never want him to feel like he wasn't wanted. Guilty because what if my son would rather have a brother? Guilty because some women would give their left arm just to have a baby of their own and here I am obsessing over how to have a girl. 

I'm also still worried that I won't even be able to have another healthy pregnancy. I thought after being through it once that I would have peace of mind that at least I CAN get pregnant... But, can I still get pregnant? 

I'm an over-thinker, if you couldn't already tell. I should probably just throw caution to the wind, along with my thermometer, and let things happen. But I also don't want to regret not trying. 

Friday Flashback - Babymoon!

I was remiss in documenting the end of my first pregnancy and my son's birth and there are some pieces that I would like to have written down before I forget them altogether. So, I've decided to do a series of flashback Friday posts. These likely won't be incredibly detailed stories or emotionally supercharged because they haven't been written in the moment... but I'll be happy to have them written down regardless. Here goes...

The babymoon! This was one of the best decisions we ever made. Work was rough and getting worse (approaching busy season and working stupid hours), and my husband pushed me to take a few days off. A family member has a rental condo in Medeira beach and it was, by chance, available when we were looking to go away so they graciously offered it up to us for free. We flew one night after work and arrived in the early hours of the morning. I was exhausted but when we opened the windows in the condo and climbed into bed listening to the waves crash on the beach it was a little slice of heaven. We woke up to sunny skies and beach for miles and miles. We spent most of our time there sitting on the balcony chatting, listening to music, reading, snacking and walking the beach. It was wonderful and we savored the quiet time we got to spend together, just the two us, as we daydreamed about what it would be like the next time we visited a beach with a new member of our family. 

I still look back on this vacation and remember how I felt. Mostly just completely in love - with my husband and the little life inside of me, and the life we are building together - and happy! 

I will also never forget how badly I needed to pee all. the. frikken. time!! When we got to the furthest part of our walk on the beach - I'd need to pee. In the car on the way to the grocery store? Yep, I needed to pee. Waiting in line at the airport? Still needed to pee. Sadly, peeing didn't seem to offer much relief. I would feel better but it never lasted long. I think the baby was down so low that he was totally squishing my poor bladder. 

Finally, everywhere we went I had people announcing "well, that's a boy!" (Literally they wouldn't even say it TO me they would walk by and utter it under their breath!). So weird, who does that??

I got my baby bag while we were there - it was the only thing I bought since buying clothes isn't really a good idea at 7 mos pregnant. Kate Spade! I chose it because we had our stroller handed down and it's storage is crap so I needed a bag that could easily hook onto the stroller. These bags have clips built in that easily snap onto the handlebars. It has a couple outside pockets and lots of pockets on the inside including a zippered pocket that I use for my stuff (wallet, etc.). Highly recommend!

So, if/when I get pregnant again, I will be making sure we get another babymoon. It might even be the first time we leave our little one because it might be nice to get away with my husband, alone, again!

Friday Flashback - Intro & Overwhelming Happiness

I was remiss in documenting the end of my first pregnancy and my son's birth and there are some pieces that I would like to have written down before I forget them altogether. So, I've decided to do a series of flashback Friday posts. These likely won't be incredibly detailed stories or emotionally supercharged because they haven't been written in the moment... but I'll be happy to have them written down regardless. Here goes...

After we found out around 18 weeks that the pregnancy was healthy, the mild oligohydramnios that was observed in the first ultra sound had either resolved itself or was an error, we set out to tell everyone. To be honest, I was absolutely overjoyed to be pregnant from day 1 and had no idea that I could feel any MORE thankful or happy than I had already been feeling, but then we started sharing the news and that thankfulness and happiness took on a whole new level. This baby was so much to so many people, not just to DH and I and it didn't even have a name or a face or even a gender yet... The look in my grandmother's eyes when I told her she was going to be a great grandma for the first time. The size of my sister's eyes when she found out she would finally be an aunt. My Mom announcing to everyone that "we" are having a baby! My sister-in-law gushing about how wonderful it will be to have a baby around again. It was everything I had hoped for but so much more... So, so, so much more. Every day I felt thankful that I was so lucky to be having this baby, to be experiencing pregnancy and that I was able to give this experience to my family - the people I love the most in my life. I always knew they would be happy, but I didn't expect it would be so overwhelming. To this day it's one of the things that stands out in my mind when I think about my pregnancy, and is something I'm reminded of every time my I get to see my family interact with my son.