It’s been an emotional month. The week after the miscarriage, a close family member passed away unexpectedly. Then, 18 days after the original miscarriage, I started bleeding again. Much like a period but apparently not a period, since it was less than 20 days after the miscarriage. I think this was worse than the original miscarriage – I had finally wrapped my head around it, and was looking forward instead of back and then wham… that constant reminder was back and I was needing to be patient again.
I follow a number of blogs written by women with fertility issues or same sex couples trying to conceive a baby and I realize that my wait is NOTHING compared to what they go through… but in a way, it’s all relative? My expectation was that I would get pregnant and have a healthy baby… even if I wouldn’t actually say that out loud for fear of jinxing it. So it’s been a bit of up and down. I didn’t expect to get pregnant during the cycle because I was SO sick - nay, then I did – yay! Then I lost it – nay! Then I had a “gentle” miscarriage and was looking forward to trying again, surely my body would bounce back quickly because it was so early – yay! My doctor told me because it was so early and I am healthy that I could try again right away – yay! Then I started bleeding again – nay!!! To be honest, I’ve felt a lot frustrated since then. I’ve been charting and my BBT has been all over the place, nothing like any of my charts pre-miscarriage. Now on CD27 I think that I have ovulated because my temps are higher than they usually are pre-O, but I’m really not sure when it happened because my chart just isn’t as black and white as it usually is, and I’ve found that my cervix and CM have been all over the place… I don’t think I even had any EWCM.
We have covered our bases by BD every other day... which I might add is exhausting! I’m hopeful that I might get lucky and see a BFP, and get a sticky one this time… but I’m not holding my breath. Having said that, I’m really fighting the urge to test this week. We’re going away for the weekend and I’d like to have a few drinks if it’s just not happening this cycle… even though that would only be 9DPO in the best case scenario and therefore would just be a waste.
I’m trying to stay positive and keep this in perspective… it’s really (hopefully) just a bump in the road… so my kids won’t be exactly 2 years apart like I always wanted… is it really that big of a deal if they are 2 ½ years apart instead? You can probably tell that I’ve given up on the make a baby girl plan too… I just want to be pregnant and add to our family and I’ll take what I get.
So… a question for anyone who might stop in here – post-miscarriage, did you try to conceive right away? Were you successful? Was your first cycle post-miscarriage all over the place or did it go right back to normal?
No comments:
Post a Comment