Things that get me through the day - 6 wks

Water (although I did not drink enough of it today!) I love my contigo water bottles from Costco. Before anyone gets crazy on me because it's plastic, it is BPA free. I don't like the stainless steel ones because you can't see what's in them and when they're filled with cold water they are freezing to the touch. I have about 6 of these and I carry one with me everywhere I go.

Raspberries. Thank god I'm working in the office right now and there's a grocery store across the street! I love me some raspberries!! Mmm.

6 weeks and eating ALL the time

Right on time according to my doctor, I started getting pregnancy symptoms, finally. They're not drastic, but last night looked like this:

Went to bed at 1am (was trying to finish some work so Monday would be easier), laid down on my stomach and realized it was uncomfortable because my bbs hurt. Rolled onto my back and felt a bit congested (PG symptom or new allergies, no idea?), got another pillow to prop myself up and the congestion got better but I was starving because it was now 1:30am and I hadn't eaten since about 7pm. Started feeling nauseous because my stomach was empty. Decided I wouldn't fall asleep unless I fed myself something, got up out of bed, ate some crackers and drank some water and went back to bed.

Starting late last week and through the weekend, if I am hungry I start burping uncontrollably. I googled this and it seems I am not alone with this one and frankly am probably lucky that the gas is only coming out one end at this point! I'm not necessarily nauseous or sick to my stomach but I definitely don't feel great. As soon as I eat something, I'm fine. Unfortunately, I am craving junk food. The thought of spinach makes my stomach turn and I usually love spinach. The only vegetable I even consider eating is broccoli and only if it's smothered in cheese sauce. Friday night we ate Macdonald's *gasp*. I am so over Macdonald's, or rather, was. Last time I had a sausage McMuffin all I could taste was how unhealthy and greasy it was and swore I wouldn't eat there anymore. Now? Oh my goodness it is just so delicious. Flurry for dessert? Yes, please.

I now know why some pregnant ladies gain way too much weight - because if you stop eating you feel like crap and veggies are gross. I'm trying to stick to healthier "snacks" but they still wouldn't have been my first choice a couple weeks ago - lots of fibre one bars, nuts, Costco trail mix (it has M&M's in it!). Oh and raspberries, thankfully they're not bad for you. Raspberries have always been my favorite, but now, they are better than candy.

Hubs thinks this is all hilarious. It's barely lunch time and he just asked me what "course" I am on (fyi - I am on course #3 - 1-bagel & cream cheese (I had eliminated these from my diet too and they have made a return with a vengeance), 2-a fibre one bar and then 3-two handfuls of trail mix... oh and a glass of chocolate almond milk). I'm sure it's more humorous when you're not the one awake in the middle of the night eating stale crackers.  =P

Twice lucky - appointment update

At the conclusion of my appointment with my own family doctor, she suggested that I call the midwifery clinic to see if I could get in, and if not to let her know and she would provide a referral to a friend of hers who is a family doctor who provides obstetrics care and delivers babies.

I called the midwifery clinic from my car in the parking lot because I was so afraid it would already be too late to get in (I had read that in Canada February is a really popular month for birthdays!). They took my information, told me that I was outside of their "catchment" area - ie. the district in which they operate, literally I am on the wrong side of the street I am so so close!). I begged and they promised they woud consider it and would let me know in 2-3 days one way or the other. Wednesday, Thursday and part of Friday passed with no word and I was starting to worry that if I didn't get a referral soon that I wouldn't get in to see the family doctor who my Dr. W. really likes. So I called Dr. W. and asked her for a referral and started convincing myself that family doctor was definitely the way to go.

Monday, Dr. W. confirmed that she had provided the referral and Tuesday morning I was able to schedule an appointment with Dr. R. for July 18. The information I got was "bring your partner, the appointment will be about 45 minutes".

Wednesday, to my surprise, I got a call from MY midwife. Yes, apparently they make all their own calls to their patients. I was really surprised that they agreed to take me given I live on the "wrong" side of the streed AND that I'd got a spot! She was so sweet and nice and we scheduled an appointment for July 23. She took my email address and promised to send me a package of information. I haven't received the information yet but I am excited about it. If I don't get it today I'll email them to make sure they got my email address right.

I feel incredibly fortunate because I have options. I also feel bad (almost like i'm two-timing a boyfriend! lol) because I am going to go to the same appointment with two different health care providers and could be taking up a spot for someone who is in desperate need of care. Despite this, I have decided to keep both appointments. I will meet both, get a better understanding about their practice and their beliefs and how well I connect with each of them and then make a decision. As of today, just based on the phone discussions I had, I'm leaning towards midwife but I think DH is on side with the family doctor. Only time will tell. 4 more weeks!!

Chinese Gender Prediction

I took a cue from Megan and the link posted by Fitness Fiend and went to http://www.babycenter.com/chinese-gender-predictor to see what they would predict for me.

 I love that before they show you the chart it says "Remember, this tool has a 50-50 chance of being right". It gave me a good laugh. Obviously I did this just for fun but I am happy that it came back girl (I've always wanted a little girl)! Having said that, a baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes, regardless of gender is really all I'm working towards!

Doctor Appointment

I should have written this last week but better late than never! Get ready because it's a long one....

I had an appointment with my family doc (Dr. W) last Tuesday. When I had talked to her last fall about starting to TTC in the spring, she stressed that I needed to go see her the minute I POAS and got a BFP so she could get me in to see a good obstetrics care provider as they are seriously limited. So that's what I did!

I will admit that I expected more from my appointment, like maybe to get confirmation that I am actually pregnant from a medical professional vs. from pee on a stick but unfortunately that didn't happen. Here are the things she did cover:

1. Q: When was your last period? A: May 14.
2. Q: How long is a regular cycle? A: 29 days. I have been charting so know that I ovulated May 28.
3. Q: Was it planned? Were you taking folic acid or a pre-natal vitamin? A: Yes to both.
4. Q: Any symptoms? A: No.
5. Q: No symptoms at all? Not even sore nipples? Not even sore nipples in the shower under hot water? A: No. Should I?
6. You will start feeling more symptomatic at week 6. If you have extreme nausea and have a hard time keeping down food, call me and I can prescribe you something to help deal with it. It is safe and you need to be able to eat to nourish the baby.
7. Q: What type of care do you want? OB / Family Doctor / Midwife? In a hospital or a home birth?

A: This conversation was a bit of a longer one because I had never heard of a family doctor delivering babies. I thought my options were limited to Midwife or OB. My initial instinct was midwife for 2 reasons:
- my sister-in-law's first birth was in a hospital with an OB and it sounds horrifying when she describes it and her second birth was in a hospital with a midwife and she raves about how great it was
- I've read and heard that midwives provide far more individualized care and allocate more time to each patient so you can ask as many questions as you want and they take the time to answer. Some of them even make house calls! Access to more ultra sounds, etc. if you want them for your piece of mind.

However my doctor did not seem as excited about midwives as I was. She asked me if I wanted an all natural birth or if I would want an epidural. I told her that I've never given birth before and therefore have no idea what to expect. While a natural birth sounds nice conceptually (mostly because of the shorter recovery time) I'm not  going to make a firm decision because I don't think it will really be within my control and I want to have the option of an epidural if I so desire it at the time. Not to mention that DH has a tendency to pass out when someone he loves is in pain (no joke - he is just really empathetic) and therefore, if I want him to be awake for the birth of his first child I may have to get the epidural for his sake. So, all that to say that I want options. Dr. W. felt that some midwives are very pro natural labour and will strongly discourage epidurals and since we don't really get to pick  or choose a midwive because of the demand for them (you basically are lucky if you can get in to see one) she wanted me to be aware that there is a chance I would get one that is against epideurals. As a result, she suggested that a family doctor that delivers babies might be a better option for me. (Dr. W. doesn't deliver babies. She will care for newborns but didn't want the lifestyle of being on call 24/7 for obstetric patients as she has a family of her own). They are highly trained, provide more personalized care/more time for their patients than an OB, deliver in hospitals and are generally very open to whatever the mother wants to do during labor and delivery. I decided that since I wasn't ready to commit one way or the other, I would try to get in with a midwife and get a referral to another family doctor.

Re: the OB. We didn't really talk much about this one. I know many people who adore their OB's and I would certainly be going that route if I anticipated any issues or risks associated with my pregnancy. Since I have no reason to worry about that right now, I decided I wanted someone who was a bit more personal and who would be more likely to be there for my birth.

Again - I haven't had any time to do a whole lot of research on this yet so understand there are likely to be wildly differing opinions on the subject. This is just what feels comfortable to me and I followed my gut. I welcome your comments on it!

8. Things to avoid - there are not many. Mostly coffee because it increases your risk of miscarriage. If you need it, one cup a day is okay but no more that that. I stopped drinking coffee in March.

9. Risk of miscarriage is 1/6. Miscarriage is completely out of your control. It happens if the DNA hasn't fused correctly or if there are chromosomal issues, or if the blastocyte did not fuse properly to the inside of the uterus and therefore isn't getting enough nourishment. Regardless, it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it.

I think that's about all she covered. Glad I have it written down in case I need to refer back to it later. That stat on miscarriage is scary but I'm focussing on the fact that 5/6 would be successful! Still no symptoms today though....

Welcome to week 5

First off - I want to thank whoever decided to count from the time of your last period to determine the # of weeks pregnant you are. Going from zero to 4 immediately and now to 5 is awesome!! It makes me feel so much closer to the "safe zone". Sometimes I need to give my head and check so I remember I'm only 3 weeks past conception and it's just a wee seed in there!

So far, I've felt awesome besides some minor hormonal episodes where I'm crying my eyes out. I haven't felt sick, I'm sleeping a bit better now (there was a series of about 4 days where I got no sleep at all) and my bbs are not at all tender. It is sort of freaking me out that I don't feel pregnant but DH says that it must be that my body is well-nourished and has everything it needs to operate optimally and therefore isn't making me feel sick because in fact it is doing well. I love his optimism and am holding on to that! Sometimes I try to convince myself that I'm tired because I'm pregnant, but I think the reality is that I'm tired because I'm working too many hours a day and not going to bed early enough and then getting up too early in the mornings to work more.

I already feel attached to my little peanut in there. I catch myself apologizing to him/her when I feel more stressed than usual. When does the safe time start? After the first trimester? 8 more weeks? geez. So far so good. Make yourself comfy in there little one!!

I've signed up for all the newsletters and wish there was more to read each day because it is enthralling. I'm not going to reiterate that my baby (embryo?) is the size of an apple seed today (or compare it to food every single week until February) despite how neat it is to have something to equate the size to. However I will say that I'm blown away that the heart starts beating this week. That is absolutely beyond crazy to me and I would do anything to see it right now.

I also got some good news today. My doctor referred me to a family doctor in the hospital I think (I haven't done a whole lot of research yet to be certain) I will want to deliver at AND I looked her up online and she is rated very well (4.6/5 - pretty good!). I called to try to make an appoitment today and the office was already closed but I am going to call again in the morning. I'm hoping I'll get to go in around 8 weeks which is still a whole only 3 weeks away! Keep your fingers crossed that I'll get in to see her that soon!

Let's talk about sex

I'd rather talk about it at this stage than actually do it. I'll admit, I was really nervous about doing the deed knowing I'm now pregnant. I know it's okay to do it, as long as you're not a high risk pregnancy and as long as you aren't getting spotting, etc. Since my doctor did absolutely no diagnostics on me when I went to see her, how would I know if I'm high risk? I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm not, but if I was, I wouldn't know. I haven't had any spotting either...

Regardless, sex is the absolute furthest thing from my mind these days. I would say that I had a healthy sex drive before my BFP and even before TTC but now it has dwindled to zero. I think it's a combination of hesitation about the risks and just not being interesting in it. Am I alone here or is anyone else feeling this way? I'm still really attracted to my husband and I feel very close to him, pobably now more than ever, but I have no desire to be intimate in that way. My poor hubby!!

Needless to say... we did it anyway. It ended up being good but I had a hard time getting out of my own head in the beginning. I hope it gets better as time wears on.

Any tips of tricks for getting past this?! I read that in the second trimester the desire returns.... I'm hoping it doesn't take that long!

4 weeks pregnant

I had a terrible start to this week. Both days ended with me crying my eyes out to my husband about how much I hate my job and how I'm sure that 12-15 hour days and this much stress cannot be good for a pregnancy. I haven't felt pregnant at all and then at my doctor's appointment today she didn't even do a blood test to make sure I'm on the right track which seems very weird to me. I also apparently have to decide what type of care I want right now because it is so limited in Toronto (midwife/family doctor/OB). So what I really want to do in the evenings is research about pregnancy and talk with DH about making these decisions and instead I am working/crying because I have too much work that I HATE.

I want to be happy and dreaming and planning and instead... You get the point.

To console myself tonight I went and picked up a clear blue digital test that also approximates time from conception. My frown was turned upside down when I saw the word pregnant and a 3+ because it made me feel good that my HCG is increasing like it should be even though I have no pregnancy symptoms yet. Way to grow little one!!

Then to top it all off one of my other blog ladies (yay Megan!!!) announced her BFP tonight too!! I could not be more thrilled about how this cycle has gone and there are still some others in the TWW that I am very optimistic about.

There is so much more I want to say but I am beat and need to get some rest!!

Monday, Monday

I hate Mondays, but even a stressful Monday morning can’t ruin my mood since I got my BFP on Saturday. It’s pretty hard to believe that I’m actually pregnant considering I still don’t feel different. I was out shopping on the weekend and I really wanted to buy another package of HPTs so I could keep POAS and seeing that yes, it’s true, I am pregnant, but I didn’t. Now I’m sort of wishing I had because my temp dropped this morning and it’s kind of freaking me out considering AF would be due tomorrow. I think I should stop temping so I don’t worry more than I need to every time there’s a fluctuation but now I feel compelled to temp again tomorrow so that I can (hopefully) see my temp go back up? On the other hand, I don’t really believe in false positives, especially in this case because my 2 lines were so bright, there was no mistaking it for a negative test. The lines came up immediately, I was trying not to look at the test during the 3 minutes you’re supposed to wait but I could see the lines in my peripheral vision while I was washing my hands!! They’re still there this morning (yes I still have it, can’t bring myself to throw it out yet).

My bbs are a bit tender, sometimes they just feel a little like they’re bruised (if that makes sense), and maybe a little heavier feeling, but I probably wouldn’t notice except for the fact that I’m expecting them to be sore. Yesterday I was e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d!! DH and I didn’t sleep at all on Saturday night, I think we were too excited to sleep! I’ll write another post on how I told him the news, although, don’t get too excited because it’s not a good story lol. I considered waiting until Father’s day but I knew he was anxious to know, it felt unfair to make him wait.

I called and made an appointment with my family doctor for tomorrow morning. She could have seen me this afternoon but I’m working about an hour outside of the city and I have an insanely busy day, it would have been challenging for me to get back to the city AND get my work done today. I hope I get to do a blood test to confirm the pregnancy and make sure that all my levels (I don't even know what levels lol - hcg??) are where they should be for this stage in the game.

DH was right!!

Home alone. Lost all my will power to wait. Had to test....and there they are. Two bright pink lines that showed up immediately. (sorry for the crappy iphone pic.... I can't stop shaking)

Cycle #2, 11DPO

I wanted to post a quick update after my crazy rambling yesterday. My temps went down slightly this morning and I haven’t had any hot flashes yet today. When I woke up I had a little bit of clear wet CM that I felt while I was brushing my teeth but when I checked CP I found brownish sticky CM (lighter than yesterday) so I’m not sure what that wet CM was all about. My cervix is reachable again and still feels firm and closed. Absolutely no other symptoms to report.

I don’t feel mentally ready to test yet… with the weekend starting, I’m sort of enjoying the feeling of hope that I have now and I don’t want to ruin it by testing and getting a BFN. That said, I reserve the right to change my mind at any time if something changes that makes me feel more optimistic about possibly getting a BFP.

I was sort of hoping that my temp would go up again this morning but no such luck. I took my temp last night when I got home from work around 9pm and it was much higher than it usually is during the day/evening. (Yes, I’m a geek and I have been curious about how my temp fluctuates during the day). Usually it’s right on 37… sometimes 36.95, sometimes 37.03. Last night – 37.22! Seemed like a big jump considering that both pre and post-O it stayed around 37. It probably doesn’t mean anything.

That’s all for now folks! Have a lovely weekend!!

10DPO… good news or bad news?

This morning I woke up and temp’d like I usually do except instead of my temp staying flat like it has been the last week or so it was up almost .2 degrees Celsius. (take a look at my chart from the link on the right!) The house was at our regular temperature, about 21 degrees Celsius but during the night I stole all the covers from DH so I attributed it to my being nice and cozy warm all night. I went and brushed my teeth, part of my regular morning routine, but while I was doing that I had a bit of a rush of “wet” feeling down there which was very surprising considering this is generally the driest part of my cycle. I checked CM and although it was what I would usually classify as sticky, it was brownish.

Bad news?
AF is coming way early and I have an LP only 9 days long???

Good news?
Implantation??

At first I was thrilled, I was so excited thinking this must be it. I had no cramps yesterday which I usually get the day before AF. Now I’m feeling twinges but nothing intense like usual AF. And I’m afraid of going to the bathroom and seeing red. I drank a large mint tea this morning and I need to go but I just don’t want to because I'm not ready for bad news, it's too early for bad news.

I’ll post another update later when I work up the courage and/or if anything changes.

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Update: 11:39 am.
I'm thinking and thinking again.... it doesn't make sense to have a temp spike and AF, does it? I have never seen that in a chart. I'm so busy at work and don't have time to creep charts!! Cramps a bit more evident now but just on and off... I didn't prepare myself for AF this early.... But I'm not even sure if she's coming. I don't feel it yet... and usually when AF does start, I get red streaks right away, not just brown. Oh dear... going to be a long day. (I know I sound like a crazy person... but I can't help it, this is what is going on in my brain right now!)

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Update: 11:45 am
I went to the washroom and there is no sign of AF yet. A bit of a relief.

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Update: 6:11 pm
AF is nowhere to be found (yet!). No more brown tinge. Cervix has disappeared on me completely. I can't even reach it - this is new, I've never not been able to reach it. I feel a bit like I'm having hot flashes today. Having said that I've been sitting in sunny room so even though the air conditioning is on I think it's still a bit warmer than usual. My hands are cold to the touch but my face is on fire. I would also suggest that my stress/excitement over the events of today have me off kilter, not to mention that work has been stressful today too. Trying not to read into it too far. Not sure I'll be able to wait until 18DPO to POAS if this keeps up though....

Feeling normal – 7DPO (or 8DPO?)

Woke up this morning wishing that I was nauseous. I think being nauseous is the worst feeling ever but it would have been nice. Instead I woke up like I do every other Monday with absolutely nothing weird going on. Starting to lose hope for this cycle despite my optimism last week that we did everything right and that I would get my BFP. Maybe it’s just the Monday blues?

I made a mistake Friday night. I told a friend (who isn’t even a close friend) that we are trying. She and her hubby are trying and are not making any secret about it and it felt great in the moment to just let it out – I am not very good at secrets. It was also nice to actually talk to someone live about their plans. Now all I can think of is how green with jealousy I will be if she gets her BFP on her first try and we are still waiting for months to come. Obviously I want her to be able to get pregnant right away, like I hope for all women, but it would still be upsetting for me. Ideally we’d get our BFPs around the same time and I would have a friend to have play dates with while on mat leave!! I’m hoping that it doesn’t get around to all our friends – DH was VERY surprised that I let the cat out of the bag, although he is very understanding and is really letting me lead the TTC process and do what I am comfortable with so he wasn’t annoyed that I gave away our secret.

At 7 DPO (or 8 maybe, depending on your interpretation of my chart) I’ve got no unusual symptoms. My temp is still up but is constant. I read that sometimes you will see a triphasic pattern if you get pregnant (ie. get another temp spike after implantation). According to FF I should be expecting AF Tuesday or Wednesday next week. 8 or 9 more days!!